I seem to be saying goodbye to a whole lot of people recently. I hate that I have to say that, and that these goodbyes are not just “see you laters,” by true goodbyes. They are not knowing if there’s anything after but hoping like hell there is, because at least that means those goodbyes aren’t permanent. At least those goodbyes really are extended “see you laters” and a desperate hope that we’ll recognize each other on the other side.
Today I found out a good friend of mine passed away after being found unresponsive in a family member’s basement. The EMTs stabilized him, but the doctors at the ICU told his family to expect the worst; that it was extremely unlikely that he would wake up. There was nothing else anyone could do except wait, and pray (or send out positive thoughts, good vibes – this dude touched a lot of lives and not all of them were religious, or spiritual or faith-based). And I can guarantee that, based on the Facebook comments, there were hundreds of prayers, thoughts, vibes, good juju – whatever – that went out to him. And the waiting began. And the updates came, and went – no change.
And then today the last update came. He had passed away, quietly. It’s easy to think that those prayers and those good thoughts and those good vibes, those hopes that he would wake up and be okay, that those all went unanswered. I think that he was in pain. I think that however misdirected some of our prayers might have been – if he DID wake up, what would his quality of life be like? – those prayers were answered. I like to think that he is no longer in pain – no longer dodging depression and anxiety tirelessly. I’m sure it was exhausting. But I don’t know how or why he ended up unresponsive. There have been things posted online, but I haven’t gone to the source and asked, nor have I really wanted to. Mostly because to me, that feels like I am prying into a family’s business that isn’t really mine. He was a good friend who I met when I was a stupid idiot teenager. He helped me deal with some shit, just by being a supportive friend. He was a good person, and when I last saw him, he was full of life and happy. But a lot happens in a few years.
Jared, you are missed by many. So many people are hurting deeply by your passing. But, if you can hear me – or read this, or whatever – I hope what comes across is this: I hope more than anything you’ve found relief on the other side, if there is one. And man, I hope there’s another side. I’d like to see you again someday, listen to some NOFX or Millencolin and chill out.
I’ll miss you dude.