Dizzy in Thin Air

I wish I knew how to explain this to you. How full I am. How unexplainable it is that I have never felt this happy in my life. How bizarre it is to me that I have never loved someone like this. It comes as a dizzying revelation at times that this hit me right in the center of my chest, out of thin air. I sometimes feel like you’ve been a ghost passing in and out of my life for years, and only when it was right did you come to exist as a physical human being in front of me. We’ve passed back and forth quickly in and out of each other’s lives for the past few years maybe a half a dozen times. But it was never right. If it had happened for some reason then, it never would have worked. It is what it is now – and I’m grateful – and as much as I wish it could have happened sooner, earlier in our lives, it wasn’t meant to work that way.

Life works in mysterious ways. And we’ve both been through our share of absolute bullshit and heartbreaking circumstances. Yours happened more recently, and you’ve told me on a couple of occasions that I “saved” you, that those circumstances came more recently in your life than mine did in my life, but in so many ways you’ve saved me. There’s never been a time in my life when I felt like I was on equal footing with someone. There’s always something that puts that other person I’m with a step above me. There’s always something that makes me feel I have to be something other than just me, but not you. You accept me completely for who I am. That’s something I can’t tell you enough that I appreciate.

Just remember, our faults don’t define us, they are only part of who we are now. Your faults, however bad they make you feel, don’t define you as a person. They are only here in your life now. You are a good person despite them. And I love you with them, not despite them.

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