Frankly

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Frankly I’m pissed.

I know this will bring accusations of selfishness but frankly I’m quite tired of being selfless and it’s time to look out for myself.

Frankly I’m tired of poor excuses wrapped up in your cheap liquor
And your Friday nights spent at bars
And when I ask you for that money
You owe me

You tell me sorry but I just don’t have it right now.

Bullshit. You just spent fifty fucking dollars at the bar on $2 PBRs and you are so fucking drunk your words slur
Like tasteless jokes and bad puns
And creeps throwing their catcalls
Out on the street.

You owe me ten but you’re too busy
Getting drunk, being sloppy,
Being selfish and stupid.

But this isn’t really what this is about.

It’s about your eyes telling me I’m selfish
When you can’t spend a second
To believe in me
And your body saying fuck off
When I try to beg you to reconsider
And it’s your selfish friendship,
Here only for what I can give
And not what you can give

That pisses me off.

You steal from me
And then tell me you’ll pay me back
Somehow
And your empty promises filled with
Bile and bullshit

And I sit here and believe you
Because you’re my friend
But I am not yours.

And frankly I don’t give a shit
What you think anymore
Because friends don’t do this to
Each other

And I wouldn’t put up with this
But I’m so desperate to feel
Accepted and loved by everyone
Because my insecurities define me

And you know.
You see my heart in my eyes
And how I beg with my arms
At my sides

And you take what you want,
And I concede,
Only to end up at home trying
Desperately to drown myself
In the bathtub.

Do you know what it feels like
To drown?
First your lungs start on fire
And then there are these little
Bombs
That go off in your head
let me up!
They scream

Once it feels like your skull
Has imploded,
There is this glowing peace
Because you’re on the verge of death.

But I’ve always exploded up out of the water as my head starts to explode
So I’m only going on hearsay about
What happens at the end.

And frankly I would rather die than truly confront you
Because the pain is not something
I want to pass on to anyone

But what I have yet to admit is that you would feel nothing.
Because you do not see yourself
As fallible or responsible.

Frankly, go fuck yourself.

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